"Will You Marry Me?"

What is an appropriate marriage proposal? What level of formality, and conversations prior to popping the question? Most couples decide they’re getting married, go ring shopping, and have a fancy outfit picked out for the occasion for a good photo op. An alternative option was given in class. The element of surprise. Basically, a man being fully committed with a ring down on one knee and genuinely asking if she would marry him. I don’t know if I really agree with this, but I think there are pros and cons to both.

I understand that a marriage takes a lot of commitment, and where so many people have commitment issues, it might be difficult to know if your partner is fully committed to you or not. A surprise proposal can communicate full dedication to a relationship. This is the only true positive outcome that I can see with it. For me, the list of negatives is heavy enough that it outweighs the weight of saying yes.

Not deciding together to get married may present the following problems, the people pleasers of the world feeling a lack of voice, a lack of communication in expectations, a hindering of personal revelation and causing crunch time answers, and what if she hates the ring?
I am an ordinance worker at the temple, and I talked with a lady who works alongside me. I asked for her opinion on the subject, and she wasn’t for it. Her husband had surprised her, and they had not talked about getting married before. She didn’t go into details, but she said that throughout her marriage she has had nightmares about whether saying yes was the right thing to do.

Nowadays, not everyone is dating to get married. Some might be dating just for the experience, for a free dinner, or for fun. I don't judge. The further along a relationship is, it is important to communicate what your expectations are for the relationship. If you are dating to get married, talk about it. I don’t believe that communication will hinder the level of commitment in a relationship. If anything, it will strengthen skills.

I had a friend who had been dating her boyfriend for a bit, and they had talked about getting married, but she was still praying about if it was right or not to marry him. When he surprised her, she panicked and said yes. She went through a couple of months of wedding planning before breaking off the engagement. It’s been over a year, and she still struggles to date. Covenants with God, a perfect being, are good, but marriage is the only covenant we will make with an imperfect person. It is crucial to involve God in the decision to make this covenant with him.

The same lady from the temple said that her mother didn’t like the ring her husband had given her, so she never wore it. Isn’t that sad? A symbolic piece of jewelry, that you are expected to wear every day for the rest of your life, and they just say, “Surprise! Will you marry me?” I have my dream ring, and as selfish as it might be, I want that dream ring.

I might have misunderstood the whole thing, who knows? But for myself, if I am not just saying yes to please him, if we haven’t communicated if this is what we both want, if we haven’t consulted God and sought out personal revelation, and if a man gets down on one knee with a ring I ain’t ever seen before, and he asks me to marry him, before talking to me about it, I will say no.